cemeterydarling (cemetarydarling) wrote in happy_time,
cemeterydarling
cemetarydarling
happy_time

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I lay on my back, sleepless, staring at the slits of pale blue moon light creeping across my ceiling. It’s quiet, and I try to hear that noise I am so used to hearing over my fan. Nothing. I sigh pulling my covers tighter around me, turning on my right side. I wish sleep were easier to come by for me, its 12:04 and I need to be at work early tomorrow. I should be asleep and usually would be by now, but something has happened recently. Something that pains me to think about.

I hear the doorknob rattle and click as it turns. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Here it comes. I think to myself as I hear my door creak open slowly. The sounds of light barely audible footsteps grow near. The bed shakes a little, the mattress moaning it’s greeting to the new body. I can hear the sounds of blue jeans scraping against my silky white covers, as he crawls toward me. I feel hand lightly clutch my left shoulder.

“George, darling are you up?” He whispers the question into my ears.

I open my eyes; I can see his face in the corner of them.

“Yeah.” I reply quietly almost too quietly and I am surprised when he hears me.

“Yeah?” He repeats to me. “Good.”

There was a pause with him, I wasn't looking at him, but I imagined he was sitting on his knees waiting for me to give him permission to lay with me.

Ofcourse I always did, and I don't know why he doesn't just do it, I don't know why he waits.

"So can I--" He begins.

"Yes Mason, you can, but don't keep me up tonight. I have work early tomorrow, and Delores is getting tired of me sleeping on the job."

"Right." He says. I bet he's giving that smile. I can hear it in his voice. I smile to myself. I feel the covers lift, letting the breeze of the fan circulate underneath them.

"I love you Georgie." he says to me. I feel his body pressing up against me.

I take in another deep breath.

He snakes his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

***

This is what he does when Daisy doesn't want him. It's been gong on dor two weeks. Two weeks since the first night Daisy gave in to his overwhelming, in your face pleas of love to her.

She had finally just broken down one night and fucked him. I know, I walked in on them in the kitchen. I remember all the thoughts, and sickening feelings I felt that night.

I wanted to scream, scream at him for being so stupid, at her for using him which she was no matter how she pretended. I remember afterwards him coming into my bedroom asking me what 'don't make this bigger than what it really is' meant. I told him he knew what it meant. It meant she was just using him for a few minutes of freedom from her fucked up self. He'd said he didn't believe me and left. The next two nights afterwards went the same way, save for his coming into my bedroom to talk. I think he had been avoiding me, I guess I upset him when I had told him that, I don't know. Then one night...there was nothing. I was in bed it was 12:00 midnight. I had turned off my fan to hear what they were doing, knowing they might be fucking and hating the idea, but listening anyways. I think I like to torture myself that way. Some part of me wants to hear it, so I can remind myself that I could've been her.

I could hear mumbles coming from her room. The mumbles growing loud and sharp. Were they arguing? I couldn't make it out so I left the quiet haven of my room, pressing myself to her bedroom door across from mine.

"So what? Is that it?" I heard his voice say.

"Mason, I'm not in the mood for you tonight. So if you would please just leave." Daisy says back, her voice soft. She was trying to be nice about it.

"How can you--how can you just bloody sit there all crossed legged and dainty and act like I mean nothing to you."

"Because you are. Mason I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way as you do for me."

"You're lying." He said lowly.

"The only thing we have is 'this'. Cold comfort. That's all it will ever be. You know it, you may deny it, but you know it."

She said her voice colder, deader.

"George was right, you are fucked up."

I went back to my room, I'd heard all I needed to hear. I felt so bad for him.

About an hour later my door opened and he walked in shutting it behind him. he stood there, leaning against my door staring at me for the longest time. He looked tired, almost zombified. He'd exerted way too much effort on that girl.

"Mason...." I begin, breaking the strange silence between us.

"George, it's really late." He said. "Do you think I could stay in here with you?"

"Yeah." I say. With that he crawled into bed with me resting his his against my shoulder. I didn't ask any questions, I knew what was going on.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I'm fine." He said.

"I heard what happened, and I'm sorry." I said.

"You did?" He asked. His voice breaking a little.

"Yeah I did." I felt akward, like what I was doing, saying, wasn't real. He was tensing up.

"Mason you're with me now, you don't have to be all manly. You can cry if you need to." I said runnig a hand through his hair. I felt his chest heave a little. he was really fighting it.

"It's okay." I assured him. I felt his tears as they began to fall onto the sleeve of my night shirt. It felt so weird watching him cry.

"I try so hard." He said in a broken voice.

"I know." I say stroking his hair, trying to calm him.



So the pattern continues. He comes over to see his darling abuser. Sometimes she let's him in, sometimes she rejects him. She hurts him, but he comes back for more because she's the world to him, and I'm just a crutch he has to fall back on when she rejects him. That's it.

*****

Here I am now. laying here, letting him get close, letting him hold me. It's real torture being so close, yet never 'close'. And sometimes I wonder if I'm the real victim here. I love him so much, and I've got a feeling he gets it.

"George, I need to tell you something."

"Yes?" I say yawning a little.

"I think I'm finally getting her to warm up to me." He says.

Torture.

"That's...nice." That's all I can say, I can't believe he's doing this.

"Yeah. What do you think?"

"What do you think I think?" I respod.

"I think, you don't like the idea."

"And you wouldn't be wrong." I reply turning on myleft side to face him.

"Mason, she's not in love with you, not now, never has been, and probably won't be in the future." I think my words hurt him a little. But that's all he ever was these days, hurt.

"I know." He says."But I love her so much."

"Why that is, is still a mystery to me."

"Do you love me?" He asks.

"I think you already know the answer to that one."

"Maybe, but I need you to say it."

"I'm really not in the mood for this, go to sleep." I say trying to turn my back to him again, but his grip on me becomes tighter preventing me from doing so.

"Say it."

"What the fuck Mason. Why do you have to hear it so badly?"

"I just need to hear it. Come on now. Say it."

"No."

"Say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it. I can do this all night, I've got nowhere to go in the morning."

"Fine. Yes Mason I love you." I sigh.

"Thanks." He smiles. "That wasn't so hard."

"Why do I put up with you?" I ask.

"Because you're my Georgie girl." He grins leaning in, kissing me on the forehead.

"G' night." He says to me.

"Good night." I reply.

That's it. That's my relationship with him. When will he get smart and learn that he is merely a fuck toy for Daisy? Sometimes I imagine myself turning him away, but I know I could never do that. Why? Because I'm his Georgie girl.
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